Posted Wed, 03/06/2009 - 10:15
- When I was born, I was so surprised I didn't talk for a year and a half
- When everything's coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.
- Until I was 13, I thought my name was 'Shut Up.'
- I'm not afraid to die. I just don't want to be there when it happens.
- I've never been drunk, but often I've been over served.
- Always and never are two words you should always remember never to use.
- The road to success is always under construction.
- I say no to drugs -- they just don't listen!
- Marriage is one of the chief causes of divorce.
- Work is fine if it doesn't take up too much of your time.
- Born free; Taxed to death.
- Everyone has a photographic memory; some people just don't have film. (that would apply to me wht say ?)
- Life is unsure; always eat your dessert first.
- Smile -- it makes people wonder what you're up to.
- I love being a writer... what I can't stand is the paperwork .
- A printer consists of 3 main parts: the case, the jammed paper tray and the blinking red light.
- The hardest part of skating is the ice.
- The guy who invented the first wheel was an idiot; the guy who invented the other three, he was the genius.
- The trouble with being punctual is that there's no one there to appreciate it.
- If our constitution allows us free speech, why are there phone bills?
- If you tell a man there are 300 billion stars in the universe, he'll believe you. But if you tell him a park bench has just been painted, he has to touch it to be sure.
- Beat the 5 O'clock rush: leave work at noon!
- It's not the fall that kills you; it's the sudden stop at the end.
- I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.
- Hot glass looks same as cold glass. (Cunino's Law of Burnt Fingers)
- Someday is not a day of the week
- If you can't convince them, confuse them
